So Deadwood was one of the scariest moments that I’ve had in a while. Aside from the town being so haunted and full of ghosts, this will be one place that I’ll never forget. Here’s why: while upstairs investigating alone, right after being touched, I felt something that I’ve never felt before. It was a panic attack from a spirit. I was in the hallway after investigating that last room and just needed a moment to calm down. After a minute, I felt something walk up to me. I was in pitch darkness, but felt as if a man was standing face to face with me. Then this panic set in. I heard a breath and felt it hit me. I jumped back as I started having a terrible panic attack that must have lasted only for a minute but it felt like it lasted forever. There was no one around. I gathered myself and charged out of there to meet the guys.
Now here’s where it scared me more: for about two weeks after my panic attack, I could be walking around my house or wherever and suddenly freeze up. I would then feel a breeze hit my face as something walked up to me. It didn’t take me long to realize that whatever did this to me in Deadwood had now followed me home.
Later, while watching fireworks, I had another attack. I saw one firework fall over and point right at me. I quickly got up and moved. Thankfully, nothing happened and I sat back down. Then bam! Full on panic attack. There were people around, but it was like they weren’t there to me. I felt so far away from them. I was hoping for help but couldn’t talk. I realized what was happening and decided to ride it out for a while. I needed to endure this attack instead of freaking out. What I thought was only ten minutes ended up being more like forty-five. I checked my heart rate with my Fit Bit and saw that it was 140 beats per minute. Someone asked me if I was ok and I snapped out of it. I got up and walked around. Nothing happened… until I sat back down.
I felt that breath on me again as I sat. It wouldn’t let me get up. I tried and tried for like another forty-five minutes before I was able to stand up again. I’ve had some more small moments since then, but after a while, they slowly went away. I now truly know what a panic attack is. Having these attacks because of a spirit was no joke. I can only imagine how tough it is for people who get them regularly.
Every lockdown teaches me something new. This one taught me I’m alone on this journey in my life, and the only thing I have is just me and my aura. We’ve been through a lot together. Deadwood is now just a panic attack that’s followed me in memory. I‘ve left that feeling behind.